Bonus Examples

"He told the entire all-hands he shipped the feature. It's not even in staging. The man is hallucinating in front of 200 people and nobody is stopping him."

"She told Hinge she's 'fluent in French.' She took AP French in 2014 and got a 3. Hallucinating on her own profile."

"Bro got laid off from Meta eight months ago and still introduces himself as 'ex-Meta.' Your context window is closed. You work at a seed-stage startup now. Own it."

"She sent the opus and then immediately texted 'omg ignore that.' Girl. It's seventeen paragraphs. I can't un-read it. The opus has been received."

"My ex sent me an opus on LinkedIn. LINKEDIN. Said he 'admires my professional trajectory' and 'values our connection.' It's a love letter dressed in business casual."

"Every friend group has an RLHF and if you don't know who it is, it's definitely not you."

"She got us upgraded to first class by smiling at the gate agent. She didn't even say anything. She's the RLHF and the rest of us are just her entourage."

"His GitHub is all green squares. Commits every day. I looked at the actual code and it's just README edits and empty files. The man is benchmaxxing his commit history."

"She has 40k LinkedIn followers and posts every day. Got the 'Top Voice' badge. I asked what she actually does at work and she paused for ten seconds. Benchmaxxing at scale."

"His temperature hit zero during the breakup. Didn't raise his voice, didn't cry, didn't even look away from his laptop. Said 'I understand' and kept coding. Terrifying."

"Her temperature was at like 1.5 last night. Told her manager he was 'mid at best' to his face at the holiday party. Then did karaoke. We are not the same."

"He became vegan, started watching cricket, and downloaded Strava because his new girlfriend does Ironmans. He doesn't even like running. Peak overfitting."

"She completely rebuilt her Spotify around his music taste. Now she listens to Japanese jazz fusion and Brazilian funk. They broke up. She still listens to it. The overfitting stuck."

"Nobody asked him to plan the bachelor party. He just did it. Flights, Airbnb, restaurant reservations, a shared Google Doc with a packing list and 'optional but recommended' reading. He's a Devin. We're grateful and a little scared."

"I said 'we should get a coffee machine for the office' in Slack and within an hour she'd posted a spreadsheet comparing 14 espresso machines, a poll, and a proposed budget. She's such a Devin it's almost clinical."

"He said 'I've always supported you' and she pulled up a screenshot from 2021 where he literally said 'I don't think this is a good idea.' She came to the argument with sources. Full RAG."

"He shows up to every company event for exactly 20 minutes, talks to the CEO for 3 of them, posts a photo, and leaves. He's reward hacking his way to a promotion on pure visibility."

"She reply-guys every exec tweet within 60 seconds. Doesn't even read them. Just 'love this' with a fire emoji. She's reward hacking the algorithm and her career at the same time."

"He said 'no worries, I'm used to being the backup plan' and then muted the thread. OpenClaw so clean I couldn't even be mad. Just sat there holding the claw."

"She ended the conversation with 'I hope she makes you happy :)' and the smiley face was doing so much work. That's not a smiley. That's an OpenClaw with a mask on."

"He volunteered to lead the migration, mass-messaged the whole team about his timeline, created a 40-page Notion doc, and then didn't actually migrate anything. Three weeks later we're worse off. Classic llama energy."

"She rewrote the entire onboarding email sequence unprompted. It's now four times longer and somehow less clear. She presented it like she saved the company. She's a llama. God bless her."

"Everyone says she closed the Sequoia deal single-handedly but nobody was actually on the call. Her manager credits her in every all-hands. She might be mythos. She might just have a great manager. Impossible to tell."

"Cursor, Cognition, and three other coding agent startups all sponsoring the same conference and pretending they're 'ecosystem partners.' Glasswing energy. They're checking each other's booths every 20 minutes."

"Someone jokingly said 'maybe we should use Jira' in the eng channel and now there's a 300-message thread, a petition, and the CTO has weighed in twice. We're scaling. Someone close the thread."

"He said his dating app was 'the Uber of relationships' and his roommate said 'bro it's Tinder with a filter.' Sometimes you need someone to ground you before you put that in a deck."

"The VP liked my post but didn't comment. My skip-level commented but didn't like. My manager did neither. I'm running inference on all three. I think I'm getting PIP'd or promoted. No middle ground."

"Give me the distillation on why you're quitting." / "Manager's a ghost, comp is below band, and the product is a worse version of something free." / "Okay yeah that tracks."

"Nobody told me the system prompt of this apartment was 'shoes off, no guests after 11, and we all pretend we don't hear each other's calls.' I violated all three in week one."

"She's so fine-tuned she uses different laughs for different people. The founders get 'haha.' The investors get 'ha!' Her actual friends get a nose exhale emoji. I've been tracking this."